By:
Ben Johnson
If you are a devoted follower of Total Bozo
Magazine, and you are definitely not but let’s just say there is such a thing
and you are it, then you already know that we celebrate having 100 Twitter
followers pretty
hard around here. How hard? Original Poem About You Hard. Six days ago our
dear friend Kony Soprano
helped us over the hundred follower threshold of not-anywhere-close-to-respectability.
It was righteous and glorious and poetic.
Now? Some joker done went and unfolleed us,
and we gots to get refolleed agin.
Well, a promise is a promise, even if it’s a
promise to nobody, and we celebrate 100th followers with original
poems. That’s just what we do. Sam
Reiss followed us this time. He’s our second 100th follower.
Here is a poem about his life that I wrote because I am a delightful poet:
Samreisssssssss
By: Ben Johnson
Remember
that time
we
tweeted back and forth
about
different snacks
available
in different minor league baseball parks
and
it wasn’t great for anybody
but
us
and
then later you told that guy
from
espn
to
read that thing I wrote
about
my name
from
back when you were the sports editor
at
vice
that
was nice
of
you
you
seem nice
I’ve
been told to mention your soft supple lips
And
the fact that you sell cro-mags t-shirts on ebay
Okay,
but…
I
kind of know you, right?
I’m
not gonna read all eleven thousand of your tweets
you
seem like a solid dude who tweets about sports a lot
and
good work on that
and
I hope you think the same thing about me
now
I’m writing a poem about you
because
you followed a thing on a thing
and
man,
I
pretty feel stupid about it
To
tell you the truth
I
mean, Sam Reiss is great
Case
closed
It’s
pretty evident
Something
about baleful eyes here
And
maybe find out if he’s Jewish
Man
The
fucking cable guy has balls to pull a stunt like this
sorry
just needed to vent
