By: Ben
Johnson
Fans of HBO’s mesmerizing True Detective know by now that not
everything is as it seems, but did you know that you could type in a bunch of
references from the show’s mythology into Google in order to destroy all sense
of joy and fun and mystery in the universe? It’s true!
Here are some things from the show I typed
into Google in order to tell you about them as if I thought of them while I was
watching the show.
It turns out the show that we all know and
love owes a debt of stylistic gratitude to detective novelist James Lee Burke,
whose recurring character Dave Robicheaux is also based out of some of the same
Louisiana settings as our True Detective heroes Martin Hart and Rust Cohle.
Burke functions in the same milieu as True
Detective, among the lowlifes and the very dark recesses of the Louisiana
bayou, and also employs heavy doses of surrealism to put a spooky spin on the
genre, notably in his “In The Electric Mists With The Confederate Dead.”
Isn’t it great that Google told me that? I’m
smart. Now you read this, so you are also smart. I recommend reading some James
Lee Burke novels in order to really really be smart while watching a TV show
you enjoy. But reading this thing I am writing for you now might be a good
substitute. Bottom line: there is such a thing as being good at watching TV,
and reading about the things I just now looked for on Google can help you
accomplish this.
One of the things that makes this show great
is its use of music. Guess who used Google to find out all about the music from
the show? I did. Turns out that such a thing is possible. The show has songs
from rock bands I know about already such as The Black Angels and The 13th Floor
Elevators and Melvins
and even a weird part where a Louisiana roller rink DJ in the year 1996 is
playing The Kinks
instead of Mark Morrison.
The point is this: I looked all of this up on
Google. You’re just going to have to take my word for it that I’ve heard of the
Melvins. But duh. Of course
I’ve heard of the Melvins. The Melvins formed in Aberdeen/Montesano, WA in 1983
the founding members were Buzz, Mike Dillard (drums), and ex-Mudhoney bassist
Matt Lukin. Duh. Everybody knows that, in that exact wording. Especially me.
And now, thanks to this great article you’re reading on the internet, so do
you.
According to this Google search I just did,
the key to enjoying things is to relax. You just sit there, and you try to be
attentive and relaxed and present and available, and you let the thing you
enjoy wash over you like a warm bath. You don’t run out to go do battle with
it, screaming and brandishing intellectual weapons. You accept it calmly, and
you allow it to affect you in whatever natural way it does or does not affect
you, and then you go on with your life, enriched by having fully experienced
the thing that you enjoy. You do not set up a cottage industry touting its
virtues. You do not infuse its essence into your sense of self. You do not
conflate your ability to define and understand its merits with a validation of your own existence. You merely breathe
it in, hold it, and exhale it.
Aren’t you glad I found that stuff on Google?
Man, Google has everything.
Okay, but also, if you like that show True
Detective and think it’s just a super TV show for watching, there’s no reason
you shouldn’t totally ruin that for yourself by reading every article you can
about it by other people like me who also typed things into Google and also are
proud of themselves. I am proud of myself. Would it interest you to know that
the people who created this enjoyable TV show have been drawing on preexisting
information for inspiration? That the entire creative process, and hence,
sum total of human cultural output consists of reconstituted regurgitations of
previously existing thoughts and concepts, that the lives of even the most
skilled artists and entertainers is devoid of any real meaning, and therefore
your own life, where you are not particularly skilled at any one thing, is even
more utterly devoid of meaning? Isn’t it even worse that we have this thing
called the internet with a Google on it you can type things into and instantly
no longer be impressed by anything any human does? Wouldn’t you like to see everything you or any of the rest of us do or try as a huge neverending trap, a grand inescapable cosmic joke? Wouldn’t you like to read an article on the
internet about a TV show you like which also subtly reminds you of that?
I bet you would. You’re reading this one, for
example. OMG, it's almost like how Detective Cohle is always talking about how miserable and insignificant human life is! Wowee wow wow WOW.
Google tells me that the internet is a place
for elitist swine to argue into infinity about nothing as the world crumbles
around them. Google says that the internet, though not fully monetized and
therefore democratic, increasingly is democratizing content only among a detached
and privileged internet-literate class. That internet content is fully
customizable and causes entrenchments along ideological and socioeconomic
lines, that we are all sitting around jamming our collective thumbs up our
asses about a fucking television show. Even though it’s really, really good.
So there you have it. Everything I typed into
Google about True Detective. I am smart. You are smart. Our lives are already over.
